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Hello, kids. We’re back ahead of a cracking UFC Fight Night event for the weekend. After missing some big-name fights this past week, we’ll serve up an absurd appetizer for the martial arts action you crave. And only one thing can satisfy that urge: the power of the ninja.
Could there be one right behind you right now? A steely-eyed ninja warrior measuring your breaths as you scroll through this? Only the ninja can use stealth to assure you’re keeping it locked on your favorite online Karate magazine and not veering off to look at ladies in bikinis on Instagram (hastily closes 43 tabs). The ninja… they know. The ninja always know.
“Surprise, mother—-er”
I guess we gotta start with the obligatory meme reference.
Surprise is the strongest asset that a ninja can possess. And sometimes that’s just something you’re born with. But for those whom the element of surprise isn’t quite in their immediate nature: don’t fret. It can be learned. It can be acquired. It can be honed. You just need the right master to set you on your path.
And that man has a name. That man is Ashida Kim.
If you’ve been around martial arts internet long enough, you’ve seen this name. It’s a peculiar one, seeing as it’s a Japanese name with a Korean surname. You may find this immediately suspicious, and you should. Because this man is neither Japanese nor Korean, but rather a conman and grifter whose government name is Radford William Davis. I dunno, sounds like a name you’d find cracking open a history book and finding a list of Klansmen in the 1920s.
By all appearances he seems to still reside in the state of Florida, further solidifying the reputation of the state as a Petri dish for fraudsters and terrible people. And while his offenses aren’t the most monstrous you can find in martial arts spaces, this man has had so many adults cosplaying as ninja with a straight face for decades. One has to wonder how that happened, because anyone with a minimal sense of scrutiny can see any of his instructionals and immediately deduce this this is all bunk.
Sadly, we do have to look at this within proper historical context. Guys selling questionable or outright bad martial arts videos were all the rage in the VHS era. You know what else happened to hit a fever pitch during that era? Anything with a ninja on it or in it. It’s part of how my blood feud with Michael Dudikoff began, and I swear to uphold my enmity with that man beyond my dying breath. He knows what he did. That coward.
Conman Ninja Surprise!
As for those not familiar with Kim? Well, you’re about to see some sensational action. We’ll start carving this turkey with this video inexplicably taking place during the day. Notice the ninja laying in the marsh, avoiding the gunman. This exact scenario probably plays out across maybe 74% of the entire state of Florida, so there’s some accuracy here lest you think I’m not being fair.
(Dora the Explorer voice) Do you see the ninja? Yay! You see the ninja! Well the gunman clearly doesn’t, despite the scenario playing out in broad daylight and the ninja in question being dressed in all black. Sure, this being on grainy VHS on a budget of approximately zero dollars means that shooting this at night would be damn-near impossible and a waste at best. But fine. He’s in ninja gear in a marsh.
Ah, but the ninja is not content with this advantage. He must always think ahead and use any tool at his disposal. Behold the art of distraction as he throws an object in hopes that the sound will capture the attention of the gunman.
He didn’t even need to see anyone there, just started bucking off shots. Yeah, this is Florida alright. No question about it. Side note, yes — I can see the pouch around his waist looking like a hand going to grab his buttocks. Just go with it. Be ready, for this is where the ninja strikes with venom.
I guess in the grand scheme of things, maybe a rear naked choke isn’t the worst way to end something like this. The problem resides in the lead up to this, the implausible scenario, and what happens next. Can’t leave that body out there for others to find, you know? So he does the sensible thing and lazily drags the body and pulls out… oh, what’s this?
Ah, a garbage bag! Or is it a tarp?
No matter, it’s gonna cover the victim regardless. Because a tarp or bag covering a body is somehow less conspicuous than just leaving the dude out in the open. Also, why drag him? All that open land, where are you taking him? And most importantly, for what? Thanks, Radford.
Here’s another scenario. Our dastardly ninja approaches an unsuspecting gunman yet again. But remember: surprise is the name of the game. And boy howdy, does my man have a surprise for his ass.
Buh, whaaaa?
SURPRISE, BITCH
He closes the distance and tussles with the gunman. You don’t get to see how or even if the ninja disarms the gunman. Do you need to? It’s a foregone conclusion that the ninja will win. They always do. After all, he used the deadliest technique of all, pocket sand.
Moat fights! No, wait… float fights
Remember Ganryujima? They staged events on an indoor platform surrounded by a smoke-filled moat and had some sensational moments. Well, this is a similar concept. only a little more bonkers. Our pal Jerry over at Fight Commentary Breakdowns brings us this series of Sanda competition matches literally taking place on a platform floating on water.
Either somebody played Virtua Fighter 5 and got creative or the crew at Sega knew this was a thing and made it a stage in the game over a decade ago. Compare and contrast.
This has to add at least a few layers of extra stress, and I personally don’t hate it. We should do something like this stateside with kickboxing matches and see if that catches on. And if anyone actually does that, lemme know where to send my invoice.
Let’s get political for a moment…
OK, maybe not in the literal sense. Here’s another throwback from the old BE comment sections of yesteryear (RIP). This legendary moment in South Korean parliament where one member charged at another and got hit with a Tomoe Nage for his troubles.
Well, YouTube grappling enthusiast Chadi did a cool video explaining the move and what makes it work. Personally, it’s one of my favorite things to see in a fight since Street Fighter II dropped in arcades. Learning how to pull it off years later was like an epiphany. It’s a lovely technique, and surprisingly powerful.
More like RajaDAMNern, amirite?
Rajadamnern World Series is a godsend if you love striking. Check out this highlight from a recent match between Peruvian Gonzalo Albinogorta and Starboy. It’s a grueling match condensed into some hard-hitting clips.
Here’s another one between Kota Miura and the icon Buakaw Banchamek. It’s a banger, and you have to see this one through to the end.
Maximum freshness
The PRIDE era was wild, man. You kinda just had to be there. And this Japanese Schick commercial is a prime example of that. Marvel at Wanderlei Silva and Mark Coleman colliding in a shaving commercial that somehow doesn’t feel homorerotic enough. I cannot overstate how odd it was to see two guys known for being tough and violent showing not just a softer side, but willing to be this silly.
That’s all we’ve got this week, kids. April is a ways away, but it’s not too early to get hyped for Monkey Man. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.
Mightiest Daddy 
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